BIZARRE.

You have been in love, been fallen out of love, and then eventually, be in love all over again. With that three experienced ALL in the same person is quite ordinary, a bizarre, freakishly boring love story.

Girl falls in love with boy, boy doesn’t (or just doesn’t show) girl thought that boy doesn’t feel the same way as her, and that she self-pities, girl moves on. After some time, girl finds out that boy is in love with her. Girl feels guilty about not feeling the same way towards him, she searched if there are feelings left, girl finds nothing. By that notion, Boy moves on, girl too. At some point in time, both will be happy not with each other but with other persons. Suddenly, something will happen that will bring boy and girl together, girl will realize how boy have been ‘good for her’. Girl realized that she is again in love with this boy. But boy doesn’t anymore. He has moved on. He does not feel a thing towards girl anymore. Girl breaks down, feels guilty about her being stupid letting him loose back then when he’s already in love with her. She realized that if only she felt the same way when boy is in love with her, they would have been happy together, loving each other.

Why is there always someone getting hurt? Why don’t two people love each other at the same time, with the same level of love towards each other? Why is it that the other will love the other one less or more than the other one does? Why can’t the two feelings meet at the middle, where both of them feel the same way with each other? Why does love always call for hard work? Is there any shortcut to love, to somehow manipulate your emotions to feel what you want to feel for a certain person? Maybe the reason why there are just certain people that God permits us to be acquainted with is to just meet them. Not meant to stay with our lives longer than what we are expecting. Whatever their real purpose may be, we still don’t know.

Dream

It’s been three nights in a row that I have been dreaming about torpe boy. I don’t know why I can’t seem to get him off my subconscious mind. Last night in my dream, I keep saying to him these lines, “binabalikan naman kita eh..” the scene was, we were inside his car and I was on the passenger side, we seemed very serious about what we’re talking about and I don’t really know what that meant. It’s been three days after waking up that gets me in disbelief knowing that “it” has happened again. I find it weird given that I can swear that before that night, surely he wasn’t what I was thinking about. Last night I was SURE that I was having problems about the quiz for tomorrow and that how I will be studying for it because I cannot comprehend my handwriting on my latest lecture notes.

The dreaming is now getting into my nerves, I am the type of the person that once I have dreamt of a “worth remembering” dream, that day, all of it will be imprinted on my mind, eventually taking over me. The scene, the talking, the person. All of it. And now I am blogging it with a ReoSpeedwagon’s Can’t fight this feeling anymore song in the background.

Maybe I am missing him. I am missing how we’ve been. How we’re inseparable and how back then, a day wouldn’t last without seeing each other. After seeing him perform in the Mr. And Ms. Nursing Talent Show, he invaded my mind. After he sang that song (which occurred to me that he was singing that song for just only me, disregarding the audience. Haha!) My feelings towards him are brought back like a memory. Maybe that’s the reason why I keep dreaming about him. Every time this happens, I don’t really know If I am supposed to be happy or not, It’s making my head hurt.

And now, I don’t really know what to do about this dream.. and to Him.

Yes, I'm single. What's your point?

I was riding an elevator with a friend, we were talking and then a cute couple suddenly came in. we went dead silent for I think, half a minute. And as they came out to their floor, both of us followed them with our gaze while silently jabbing each other’s sides and seconds after, the elevator became ours. ;) We looked at each other and laughed. Our faces were hilarious; it sure appeared that we are envious of them. I even teased her first, “inggit ka noh?” when in fact I, myself admit that I felt a little pinch at the inside of my heart.  Well, I missed being in a relationship :) but not desperately, though.

I only miss it. I’m not saying that I WANT to be in a relationship. Right now. Right at this moment. After all, for me, I think being single is fun. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want without having someone who bombards your cell phone with calls and messages saying, “it’s late, go home. Now.” Or something like that. And most especially, you can flirt with all the boys as long as you like :p However, there are instances when you would really wish that there is someone who will just give you a hug after a long, tiring day. Or says I love you and sweet nothings to you every night, or just having someone who would show you tampo at times. In short, a partner. Someone who will eat lunch with you, wait you after a class and then send you home.

So, going back, my friend and I decided to eat and talk a little, since it was still early to go home. And then we thought about our standards, when it comes to men.  My friend is so picky when it comes to men, there are other guys who likes her but doesn’t give them a chance to prove their love to her, given that they are kind, wholesome and ATTRACTIVE.

“Me? I don’t really know. Maybe back then I have this weird list of characteristics that a guy should FIRST possess before I would allow him to get to know me. Now, I don’t have a particular list of standards anymore, as long as he’s kind and gives me special attention. Not that I am easy. Maybe the qualifications and standards are still there, I just can’t put them into words right now.” I told my friend.

Besides we are still young to think about predicaments like this. By the time I am in my 30’s and I am still single, that’s the time I will be nervous as a cat on still not having a partner. In fact, I am proud to be single and I enjoy every bit of it.So every time someone asks me if ever I am REALLY single, I respond with a, 

"Yes, I'm single. What's your point?" :)

Letters To Juliet

I was forced to stay at my dorm for 2 days because of my duty, and I am stuck here as we speak with a full stamina gained from a straight 3 hour sleep earlier, right after I have arrived here. Good thing I have my laptop with me so I watched a movie, a one I have downloaded but never got the chance to see, I thought this would be a great time for a love story, so I’ve chosen to watch “Letters to Juliet”

I was intently watching the movie, when suddenly a friend of mine texted me, telling me how sad and close to tears he was, I asked him what was wrong and that he could tell me anything and I would listen, I got him opening up on me in no time, since he has been a good friend of mine and that I have known him for years, (we keep each other up to date with what’s happening within our lives). And then he told me what happened, there was this girl whom we really liked, and now, there is someone courting her and it seems like the girl too likes the guy. I knew already their story that he is in love with her, but both of them were too scared, or too hesitant to be together for some reason, and now the girl is being courted by someone and knowing she entertained him in the first place made it feel like she too, have feelings for him already. The girl knows how my friend felt about her, but when the second guy came along, she did not advise my friend or even warn him of the upcoming picture.

I would very much like to help my friend even in giving him advice on what to do, but at the back of my head, it seemed like this already happened.  That I have seen this, I have done this. All of a sudden, I remembered myself 7 months ago. I was seeing Ven in my friend’s personality. And talking to my friend felt like talking to Ven seven months ago, how he felt when I didn’t tell him about C, how he was so lonely and disappointed. I realized I was a monster. Good thing my friend had me, in times like these, he had someone to talk to when he has problems, but Ven? He had NONE. He kept things to himself, not releasing what he was feeling making it burst out into a much bigger explosion, doing damages around him. I pitied him. I was so terrible. I did not consider what he will feel, even just a bit. As long as I was happy I did not care. And now I am seeing things in his perspective. That he had a right to tell me hurtful things like what he did. I was careless enough to deserve those words. 

I asked my friend, “What if you find out that they are already together?” he responded with this:

“I will encourage her to love him, do all they can for their relationship. I will cry in front of her. I will also tell her that I do not want our friendship to be ruined, that it will be alright for her to hurt me even if she does not mean it, as long as she’s happy, Even if it’s hurting.”

The movie turned out fine. The main character was currently engaged with someone who is always busy and have little time for her. At first it was all right, but then she fell in love into another man. She broke up with the fiancé to be with the man she loves.

I guess not all the time it would turn out to be a perfect movie ending. Perhaps let’s take it into consideration that it’s not our movie yet, that this movie is not made for us. Maybe we are not the protagonist this time, but just an actor in the background. Just an actor who is not meant to stay up to the final minutes of the movie.  And someday, a movie will finally be ours, to call our own. We have the leading role all to ourselves and be the production editor and director all at once. We’ll just have to wait :)

Where Books Take Me

I figured that most of my posts were too long to be enjoyed reading, even I get bored just re-reading it. :D so now I will try to write as short as possible but with thought, meaning and substance. So here goes.

As I dig my head on what to write tonight, I found myself staring at my thick, heavy books. It got me thinking that I was already in my fourth year in college and they still looked as if they were just bought yesterday. I dared myself to try remembering a certain topic I can say about it but I just can't. And that thought alarmed me. 

Tonight will be the last day of my sembreak, and is the last sembreak that I will ever have. I have tried considering going out but then I decided to just hang out in the house and let my last day-off away from stressful surroundings and crowded places. So. last semester huh, thinking of it makes me just as nervous as a child being away from her mother. It’s just, it is so frightening knowing that 6 months from now I will be graduating *fingers crossed* and then if ever I was fortunate enough, will pass my board exams. No more childish stuffs from now on. It’s time to get serious and focused. I have to have that TUNNEL VIEW, at the end of it is myself holding my diploma and a newspaper with my name included in a list of students who passed the board exams. I won't look left or right, just through. I won't let the temptations and pulls get me.

So this semester will have to be a good one and I promise to study even more. I know my study habits have changed since I became a college student so I have to work HARDER. I have to spend less time on facebook, twitter, tumblr and hopefully here on blogger. And spend more time with my “seemingly” new books, I know they will take me places if I just start to love them and befriend them. And then I will try my very best to not get out and often and waste time on less important stuff than school. I will not PROCRASTINATE anymore. If things are better have to be done at a given time, they’d better be. I have to have a positive outlook on my studies. I will find myself an inspiration. Whatever or whoever that inspiration might be, we will soon find out. And it better be a pushing, persuading and driving one, in a positive way :)

Six months from now, I’ll get back to this post to see if these goals were met. =)

The Waiting Game

My blog entry, dated Sep 9, '09 2:00 AM

WAITING

Falling in and out of love.

It’s easier when in the first place, You will love people. People who are better than you. People who will leave, or will not hesitate to. Though it’s not guaranteed, you’ll be able to move on, to forget someone so great to you. But there was never any surprise, especially when you do not know if the other feels the same way as you do.

Does he remember the times when I used to care?
The times when my heart sank every time I saw him?

I can remember clearly.
I was the girl there when everyone else was gone. I WAS.

Myself was all to blame when i thought that he is feeling the same way. Until a time i have realized that when you like someone, your mind will somehow make the things you see of him put towards your liking. you make something out of it thus, making yourself believe that he TOO feels the same way. And making everything feels so right, and wrong, at the same time.

But that was then. I guess he made me wait for so long. I've gone tired while in the process. And i don't like this.

I'm scared of what I am feeling.
I'm scared of falling out of love with him.

And I don't think I made any sense at all. :D 

These are the times when I was so frustrated of him, finding myself in the front of my laptop already typed these senseless paragraphs. See how I waited then? It even came to a point that I am near to losing my sanity. 

A blog entry I made for Ven last year =)

MINE. :)

I wasn’t able to update my blog because I was on vacation. Last night we went to star city with my old friends and I was surprised to find us complete, almost. Because only one was not able to join. I missed them, they were the ones I have been with since freshman days. Included was a long time friend. Well, scratch the friend. A crush. ;)

He’s been my crush for as long as I can remember and the day I found out what he felt for me was when C and I started dating. He was furious of me not telling him about us, and I was gloomy since then. Sure I was inlove with C but what I felt with Ven (okay I typed his name! I will soon die if he finds out about this! Haha!) was extraordinary, I liked him since I was in first year college and continued to like him before I met C. We were kind of together the whole time. You know what boyfriends do, he waits for me until my classes end, gives me treats and treats me everywhere! ;) when they went to Korea with his family, he came home with a bunch of pasalubong for me and I’m telling you, they’re loads! He even got us a keychain with two characters in it, one for me and one for him. And that he was my escort on my debutant party. My family already knows about him and they already approve of him even if he’s not my boyfriend yet. Also his family knows about me already and them too, approves of me as their son's girlfriend. So when my parents found out about C being my already boyfriend, they were shocked but they were still supportive of that matter.

So when C and I were already together, I told him about us and he got mad. He said hurtful things to me like how I was so numb of him and that I did not gave importance of him. But I did, and I waited for him for three years, but nothing is happening. He even told me that he didn’t know that I would want someone to call my own, a boyfriend. Fck that. Who would reason out like that? The only problem I have with him is that he does not show what he feels, he gives me stuffs that I like but not telling me what I want to hear. Yes he makes me feel special among the others but he never said what he felt of me. Leaving me confused and puzzled. But months ago, we agreed to call each other MINE. But for fun only, we do not call each other as that most of the time. But isn’t it cute? I hope he would show his feelings towards me soon. Even in gradual action. :)

I thought what I felt for him has changed, I thought it was lessened since I was with C. but being with him last night, I overlooked all the negatives I had of him, I realized that I missed him. We were always together walking side by side, riding all the roller coasters we passed. It makes me want to sing a BEATLES song, “I Want To Hold Your Hand” HAHA! My friends even tease us that we should “bring it back” :D I guess he will always be that way, maybe he really is childish beyond his manly features and marvelous height, making me so small when I was walking with him. I guess I just have to accept the fact that he is withdrawn when it comes to things like that, and that maybe, we will just have to wait to see what is ahead of us two.

I guess He will always be my torpe boy :D 

A picture taken during our sophomore days. :) Look at how nene I was! =))

A Bitter, I mean BETTER Sight

Saturday.

My friends and I went to Alabang Town Center to go play at Laser Extreme. It’s similar to paintball but instead of paint in a gun, the gun shoots laser beams to other opponents. You are also equipped with a vest full of colorful lasers which determine what team you’re on. There are points that you can achieve when you shoot in the parts of the vest. The highest point that you can have is on the shoulder part, I think. I didn’t really pay attention during the instructions because I was so excited to play. :D we are eleven in total and we decided to go teams. Girls versus boys.  Our color was pink and theirs was blue. It was so fun! 

For a moment there I forgot what I have gone through, it felt like I am anew.  While we were walking around the mall, C texted me, he asked why am I not responding to any of his messages. I asked one of my friends about it. She got mad, well not mad. ;) She told me that’s the annoying part, you are having fun and then the person texts you, then suddenly all you can think about now is that person and the message. A fun-spoiler. I analyzed myself if I really were bothered by the message. Guess what? I wasn’t. In fact he doesn’t sneak in to my mind from time to time now. I do not think of him and be saddened by seeing his face in my mind. Maybe I am better now.  Healthier in one way or another.  Maybe the emotional downpour I did the other night was all I need to release these stress inside of me. Maybe I cried because there are just so many thoughts in my mind that I could not handle anymore. And maybe I just felt bad of what happened and what I did that’s why I was that emotional. My feelings towards him? It suddenly changed. Now I was thankful of myself for what I did. 

I guess I am really better. Not just an effort of myself. But also of my friends who were always been there for me. When I have dilemmas they are just one message away. They helped me cope up with my episodes of anxiety and made me feel I was recovered, even if I wasn’t yet. They made me look things in a different way. They made me possess a better sight in life.

 

Now, I want to share my accomplishment with them and perhaps it’s my turn to be the one who would offer a hand for them to stand up, than being the one who waits to be pulled up. I’ll make it certain that our friendship will last for as long as we needed it. 

I Love You FRIENDS! Thank You! ;)

License to Drama

Day I’m writing about: the evening after the “meet-up”

Random people ask, “How do you know when you’re in love?” We get the usual response, like; you are in love when you think about that person every now and then and when your day is not complete without him in it, or without seeing him.  You are in love when you cannot sleep soundly anymore at night, imagining things you do with him while you lull yourself to sleep – hoping that will send you to sleep? Sure we know that’s not going to work, right? And then, you’ll finally be able to sleep but then the moment you wake up, there you are again, thinking of THAT person. Years ago I read from reader’s digest that you can differentiate Love from crush when you think about the person and after four months, you still feel the same way with him. Do you believe it?

Love is a very powerful word.

Love Kills. If you do not know how to handle it, it might harm you.

I got home. I’ve seen the usual; my dog welcoming me at the front porch as usual, Mom saying “Hi” as she watched TV in the living room, dinner is served at the dining table and my sister with her laptop. Everything felt normal. Well, not EVERYTHING.

I climbed the stairs up to my room and locked the door. I turned on the TV as I changed clothes. I was about to go out as I remembered a particular scene. A scene earlier that day. It was so vivid I could swear it was afternoon again. And then I saw him, I saw US. I told him I don’t want to talk to him anymore, and him? I could not fathom his face. Sad? Angry? Or maybe worried?  One thing I remembered for sure, I sent him away. I told him not to come back. Not again.

Then came a familiar feeling, but now I cannot suppress it anymore. I felt a knot in my throat, getting bigger as the seconds passed. I felt my face became warm and flushed. That’s when I realized I was crying. I locked the door again and I jumped to my bed, letting my face crash on the pillow. I can’t fight back the tears; they are streaming down my face like that of a faucet. I admit it. I was hurt. My decision I gave to him? That’s not what I really wanted. I still LOVE him. I remembered myself pulling my hand away as he tried to hold it, Am I really that hard? My friend once told me that I was good at fighting emotions. I didn’t get her that time but now I can see it. I really am. And I don’t even know if that’s a good thing or not.

In the middle of my anarchy, I received a message from a familiar number. I knew already it was him. He texted, “This is so hard, why do we have to separate? It’s hard for me because I do not know what to do and where to get started. I know I said that it’s alright for me to get hurt. Its okay, you don’t have to reply to this message, I know I will someday move on.” It made me think that it’s not only me who’s uncomfortable that night.

I fought myself not to reply to his message and yes, I made it through the night without responding to him. I just told myself that all I’m doing is also for my own good. I don’t want to get hurt again so it will all pay out in the end.

And finally I fell asleep.

Impasse

I ended things with C. We agreed to meet at school after exams. I came first to our agreed place with my friends. I was so nervous that I had flight of thoughts about the upcoming meet up. He was so late, because he’s at practice that time. good thing I was with my friends then that I was kept amused by them. But my heart wasn’t. It beated so loud I can feel my pulse in my ears. I thought I would be deaf.

And then he came. The face I never thought I would see again. The face I never thought I would stare at again. I studied him. He changed a lot, physically. even he admitted it. And then I studied myself. The pulse. It was gone! Not that I am dead though, because if that is so, you wouldn’t be reading this blog entry by now. ;) I mean the pulse slowed and became nonviolent, serene. And seeing him was the reason behind that?

My friends left the table and transferred somewhere else, but not too far. They made sure that we are in their field of vision. This made things awkward, knowing they are just tables away from me and that I knew they will be reading my lips in hopes of gathering what already the subject matter is about. I knew that they will be good at it.

He sat across me, calculated my eyes as I stare at him. First thing he did? He smiled. Just smiled. Like that of a puppy. He said he can’t stop himself from smiling. I smiled too. “I missed that smile” I told myself. He asked how I did. I responded with the ever- famous-cliché, “I’m fine” And then we talked. A lot. We didn’t even take notice of the time. He explained to me about the issue about him being with his girlfriend while we were dating. He told me none of it was true. None ever was. The girl just hasn’t got over him so she set up issues to make herself be talked about. To get attention -My attention.

He asked me if I believed a single thing he said. I shrugged my shoulders. He got the idea. He explained further. He told me that if they were true, he wouldn’t be there sitting and explaining himself to me, asking for another chance. I said, “I don’t know.”

I told him I’ve had enough. I don’t want to talk to him ever again. He was dumbfounded. That curve in the sides of his mouth slowly faded away. I was saddened by this. A part of me already believed his story about the girl, but I don’t have any reasons left to get away from him. I stuck my facade. I tried my very best to look unconvinced so he would believe that I did not believe him. And then I said the words again. “I don’t want to talk to you again. Please don’t speak to me anymore.” There are exchanges of words, explanations, on why do I have to let him go.

“I can’t do this, is there any other way than this? We can be friends and then move on in the process.”He said.

I answered, “There is no such thing as that. We’ll just get hurt. We’ll be friends and then what, we’ll send mixed messages to each other, making ourselves believe what we hoped for to happen and then we will be disappointed in the end.”

“You’re being unfair. You will move on. And you’ll leave me with this, that doesn’t mean that I get to move on as fast as you will.” He explained.

I was silent. I was struck with his words. I never thought that he could get this solemn. I never thought that he felt that way for me. He tried holding my hand; I pulled back, fighting the command of my brain to hold his. And once again, I was heartbroken.

In the end he told me, “Just remember this, I won’t stop in caring and loving you. Maybe there will just come to a point that I will get tired. And then that’s the only time that I will move on.” I felt like crying hearing the words‘move on’. But hey, that’s what I wanted to happen, right? That is the purpose of this conversation. To end things. So I said, “okay” and I saw his face look below. It’s like he hid his face from me. Maybe for me to not see how devastated he was.

“I have to go” he said, "I have to get back to practice." I nodded. He faced up with a face so depressing and sad. He asked me to take care, every time. Giving emphasis to each and every word. I nodded again. And he stood up, I didn’t watch him go away. It pains me. Another one I sent off of my life. I was terrible. Why do I have to send people away from my life?

And I did not feel like bursting into tears.
Not yet.

An Exception To The Annoying Rule

I have never been like this before, with a guy that I just met. I used to have these standards when it comes to men. And usually they are being met. When it came to C, it seemed like all those standards were put into garbage. I was like, I love him. So what? A friend once told me that when you set up rules and there’s this one person that is off the hook, HE is special. 


An exception to the rule.

So C started texting me in times I least expected. I told him not to because I would very much like to move on and get over him. He obeyed. I never told him that I knew about his girlfriend thing already. But my mind was battling with my heart. There are times that I will type messages on my phone for him but later will be deleted because I was stopping myself. I was crazy. I became bitter. I thought for a moment there that one thing to end what I was feeling was to concentrate and think all about his wrong doings and overlook and forget the good memories. You know what? I was very good at it. Especially the bitter part ;) 

Your Sugar Sweet Lies

I found out that he’s been with her girlfriend all this time while we were dating. I didn’t mind asking him about it because I thought that I would just be wasting my time. And I was right. He said that all of it weren’t true and that he is only friends with the girl. I was like, bullshit! You are friends with someone when she calls you with a pet name? You are friends with someone whom will tell you she loves you? And that you are friends with someone who greets you a “Happy 36 month anniversary?”  And yeah, He denies it every time he is confronted about it.

The thought of thinking about “the day” made my stomach turn and curse every little thing that happened.

And I thought all we had was real.

It was a massive slap in the face, knowing that every time you are with him, there is someone waiting for him to get back and I don’t even know if the other one even had an idea of me. I was frustrated and disappointed of him.

Good thing I was already out of his bounds and that I declared to myself not to communicate with him anymore. It was HARD. Seeing him every after class, hearing people talk about him within your hearing,  Forcing you not to think of him at least is just as hard. I tried deleting his number, although I knew them by heart. I thought I was going to give up, and knowing he’s just one message away might have been my first notion. But I did not let my feelings lay me up. I was headstrong. Determined. And stubborn, in a positive way.

I deserved better. 

It's A Love Story.

Summer. I met him at school in one of our classes. He was all right. Many of my classmates fell for him right at day one, I didn’t seem to get what they saw with that guy, “He resembled the face of this really cute movie actor!” says one of my classmates. I didn't saw the resemblance but anyway, it’s their idea, not mine. ;)   The semester ended and our class decided to organize an outing. Many plans have made and have been decided to take place on a resort somewhere in Cavite. Majority of the class joined. Including me.

I didn’t know he was there. My classmates/friends were talking about him joining and that it was their time to finally get to know that guy. The day of the trip all went well. We enjoyed the food, the spot and the shenanigans and troubles we have gotten into. :) the day ended, we finally got home then suddenly my friend texted me If C (yes, we can call him C from now on. :D) can get my number. I said yes why not. Then came along a lot of messages and calls, you can include online chats also. We saw each other when we had free time, which happened most of the time.  And there, He got me. I started feeling something in the pit of my stomach, fluttering. Butterflies? I pushed the thought at the back of my head at once but no, it is true. I was in love. Again. After many years I have never  felt this kind of feeling. Maybe I had that same year but the feeling was never reciprocated. But this time it was, with him. But I never admitted to him what I was feeling about him. Ever.   We made it official, we started dating. We had many obstacles along the way. Facing them were not easy. Most made me gave up at first but we tried to resolve them, “What’s important is that we love each other” He says.

And indeed WE LOVED each other, or that’s what I have believed. After a month things were not as smooth sailing as it was. We  fought over petty things, having us realized that maybe we were coupled  to soon. That we haven’t seen yet the flaws of each other before we've been committed to our relationship. True. I was not mature, nor was he. The canoe did not sail along with the water current anymore. We ended things. Ours just lasted over a month. Just one month! I know, right? Don’t laugh, I did too.  I told myself it was too short to be caught upon and be incapacitated, right?

 I was wrong.

The Snipper

Cutting off a relationship is much like cutting a page in two. There’s no reason of the processes needs to be complicated—a few quick snaps and you’re done. But things don’t always work out easily in real life. It could be simple clumsiness born of haste, but often there’s more to it than that. Sometimes making a clean cut just doesn’t seem to suit the situation. Sometimes we like to get creative, to express the way we really feel.

In the past I ended MANY relationships. I was the one who was always the ender :). When I end it, I really did, without hand wringing, regrets or remorse. This stems from my belief that clean cuts are the most painless and heal without leaving scars, a surgical principle I apply with cold, objective precision in all realms of my life.

So why the hell am I writing about this end-relationship drama anyway? Perhaps I needed a prologue to my future steadfast readers of what I was then, and what I am now.