Coming Out

What I like about him is that, when he says he will do something, he truly will. Even if it takes all of his courage and effort summed up together. He never told me anything that he would not do. He keeps his promises and he says only the truth. Our love being secret is quite a profound state, knowing to ourselves that the more we keep it, the greater we would want to let loose it from within us. Coming all out in the open released our inhibitions and made us closer to each other. :)

Now that people know that US, being together exist, we are at liberty to face the world hand-in-hand, not caring if any person would see us in doing so.

Myself, being not in a relationship for quite some time never looked like this before. I know I’ve been with certain guys but me being with him is different. I feel like we’ve been friends for quite some time and then in some point, we’re just been acquainted by destiny to be with each other. I am myself whenever I’m with him, unlike with my previous relationships, that I barricade what I really feel, what I would really like to say, and what I would want to do. I don’t even care about how I look whenever I’m with him. I know I easily got used being with him like we’ve been together for months now, but there’s still more that I want to know from him.  I don’t get tired listening to his stories about his life and dreams. Especially when he includes me in it. ;)

I Didn’t Know I Was Looking For Love

Do you ever feel like someone, out there has been destined to you? That eventually the two of you will meet at crossroads and then just at that moment that you will realize that both of you belongs to each other? Do you believe that at some point in life, without doing anything, you will meet your one true love, the one that is your soul mate and then live happily ever after? That you two are destined to be together?

I don’t.

I personally don’t believe in destiny. I believe in effort. That if you just stand there and then wait for a knight in shining armor to rescue you away from distress, you will just bulge your eyeballs out from waiting. For me, finding the so called, “perfect one” needs hard work. I mean, if you’re just at home watching TV and eating ice cream won’t let you get any. Who knows, someone out there, is waiting for you. Frantic to meet you. But then you were too busy to finish the season 1 series of Vampire Diaries, so the two of you never meet up. Ever. So my point is, you have to get out more, do something outside more, and spend nights out more to find your guy. And not doing those will not give you any. That WAS my belief.

And then I met him. The one I never thought I wouldn’t last a day without. The one who will bring out the best in me. The one who will push me into doing good but knows how and when to have fun when the situation calls for it. The one who will boost your confidence against the unknown in the wee hours of the night to get downstairs to get yourself something to eat. The one who changed my point of view on the subject of destiny. :)

At first I never thought that we would come to this. Back then, I just saw him as my schoolmate, a friend’s brother, and something else. Something that is embarrassing.  I myself had reconsidered it twenty times if I really had to put that thought here. But I have decided that I am not ready yet to put them into words, nor I’m not promising that eventually I will write up about it. But I’m telling you that he’s not some guy that was just released from prison or got involved in a gang rape or something else like that! Haha :D he’s a good guy. He’s the one you can count on everything and is worthy of your trust. I can say that every minute I spend with him, I feel that I am protected from harm.

Everything just feels right around him. He may be a pain in the ass at times, but I sure can’t end the day without hearing something from him. He made it certain that I will look for his presence from time to time. How he’s doing it, I do not know, but he’s doing it well. I know that I told myself that I should not commit to a relationship now, but I think there’s no harm in trying, and that I see him as a “keeper”. These butterflies in my stomach were the ones he left to me since day one. Now, let us see where these annoying creatures will take us. I found him when I didn’t know that I was looking for love. Maybe all of these happened for a reason. And hey, maybe all this time, I do believe in destiny after all. :)

Run.

All my friends know that I had just got out from a bad relationship. One that is really bad. So bad that putting them into writing just hurts my fingertips in doing so. So after that I promised myself to just take time off. To just enjoy my friends and family’s company, and most of all, to enjoy myself. The thing about the words ME and PROMISE put together? They just don’t chase. I was terrible. I couldn’t keep promises even to just myself.

And so as everyone is having their daily dose of ordinariness in their lives, I met someone. Well, not really, because I have already known him from my high school. We were on vacation then and he substituted for his brother who will not be able to join. Our vacation lasted for 3 days and that is a hell lot of fun. Considering that friends are reunited and the nature is closer to us than before. A remarkable way to start the year, right?

At each day, we got closer and friends notice. But I myself didn’t pay attention and that I did not see anything special about it. After the vacation we got the chance to know each other, phone calls came here and there. And then I got used to it. I got used to him being always there. And so is he. But this has got to stop. There are matters that are more important than this that I could not say for now. And it involves me, him and someone else.  I knew that this is wrong, but I couldn’t stay away anymore. I knew that it had to be stopped, but I just couldn’t let go what has been here just like that. I knew that in the first place, I had to run. But I found my feet sucked on the ground, sinking as seconds pass.

It sucks that one day after another; I’m finding myself reliant to him. Every day I look forward to answering his calls and eventually, seeing him again. What sucks more is that I have a reason to let go from the beginning but I have disregarded it. It sucks that I can’t even keep my promise. And you know what else sucks? I fell in love with him.