Yes, I'm single. What's your point?

I was riding an elevator with a friend, we were talking and then a cute couple suddenly came in. we went dead silent for I think, half a minute. And as they came out to their floor, both of us followed them with our gaze while silently jabbing each other’s sides and seconds after, the elevator became ours. ;) We looked at each other and laughed. Our faces were hilarious; it sure appeared that we are envious of them. I even teased her first, “inggit ka noh?” when in fact I, myself admit that I felt a little pinch at the inside of my heart.  Well, I missed being in a relationship :) but not desperately, though.

I only miss it. I’m not saying that I WANT to be in a relationship. Right now. Right at this moment. After all, for me, I think being single is fun. You can go wherever you want, do whatever you want without having someone who bombards your cell phone with calls and messages saying, “it’s late, go home. Now.” Or something like that. And most especially, you can flirt with all the boys as long as you like :p However, there are instances when you would really wish that there is someone who will just give you a hug after a long, tiring day. Or says I love you and sweet nothings to you every night, or just having someone who would show you tampo at times. In short, a partner. Someone who will eat lunch with you, wait you after a class and then send you home.

So, going back, my friend and I decided to eat and talk a little, since it was still early to go home. And then we thought about our standards, when it comes to men.  My friend is so picky when it comes to men, there are other guys who likes her but doesn’t give them a chance to prove their love to her, given that they are kind, wholesome and ATTRACTIVE.

“Me? I don’t really know. Maybe back then I have this weird list of characteristics that a guy should FIRST possess before I would allow him to get to know me. Now, I don’t have a particular list of standards anymore, as long as he’s kind and gives me special attention. Not that I am easy. Maybe the qualifications and standards are still there, I just can’t put them into words right now.” I told my friend.

Besides we are still young to think about predicaments like this. By the time I am in my 30’s and I am still single, that’s the time I will be nervous as a cat on still not having a partner. In fact, I am proud to be single and I enjoy every bit of it.So every time someone asks me if ever I am REALLY single, I respond with a, 

"Yes, I'm single. What's your point?" :)

Letters To Juliet

I was forced to stay at my dorm for 2 days because of my duty, and I am stuck here as we speak with a full stamina gained from a straight 3 hour sleep earlier, right after I have arrived here. Good thing I have my laptop with me so I watched a movie, a one I have downloaded but never got the chance to see, I thought this would be a great time for a love story, so I’ve chosen to watch “Letters to Juliet”

I was intently watching the movie, when suddenly a friend of mine texted me, telling me how sad and close to tears he was, I asked him what was wrong and that he could tell me anything and I would listen, I got him opening up on me in no time, since he has been a good friend of mine and that I have known him for years, (we keep each other up to date with what’s happening within our lives). And then he told me what happened, there was this girl whom we really liked, and now, there is someone courting her and it seems like the girl too likes the guy. I knew already their story that he is in love with her, but both of them were too scared, or too hesitant to be together for some reason, and now the girl is being courted by someone and knowing she entertained him in the first place made it feel like she too, have feelings for him already. The girl knows how my friend felt about her, but when the second guy came along, she did not advise my friend or even warn him of the upcoming picture.

I would very much like to help my friend even in giving him advice on what to do, but at the back of my head, it seemed like this already happened.  That I have seen this, I have done this. All of a sudden, I remembered myself 7 months ago. I was seeing Ven in my friend’s personality. And talking to my friend felt like talking to Ven seven months ago, how he felt when I didn’t tell him about C, how he was so lonely and disappointed. I realized I was a monster. Good thing my friend had me, in times like these, he had someone to talk to when he has problems, but Ven? He had NONE. He kept things to himself, not releasing what he was feeling making it burst out into a much bigger explosion, doing damages around him. I pitied him. I was so terrible. I did not consider what he will feel, even just a bit. As long as I was happy I did not care. And now I am seeing things in his perspective. That he had a right to tell me hurtful things like what he did. I was careless enough to deserve those words. 

I asked my friend, “What if you find out that they are already together?” he responded with this:

“I will encourage her to love him, do all they can for their relationship. I will cry in front of her. I will also tell her that I do not want our friendship to be ruined, that it will be alright for her to hurt me even if she does not mean it, as long as she’s happy, Even if it’s hurting.”

The movie turned out fine. The main character was currently engaged with someone who is always busy and have little time for her. At first it was all right, but then she fell in love into another man. She broke up with the fiancé to be with the man she loves.

I guess not all the time it would turn out to be a perfect movie ending. Perhaps let’s take it into consideration that it’s not our movie yet, that this movie is not made for us. Maybe we are not the protagonist this time, but just an actor in the background. Just an actor who is not meant to stay up to the final minutes of the movie.  And someday, a movie will finally be ours, to call our own. We have the leading role all to ourselves and be the production editor and director all at once. We’ll just have to wait :)

Where Books Take Me

I figured that most of my posts were too long to be enjoyed reading, even I get bored just re-reading it. :D so now I will try to write as short as possible but with thought, meaning and substance. So here goes.

As I dig my head on what to write tonight, I found myself staring at my thick, heavy books. It got me thinking that I was already in my fourth year in college and they still looked as if they were just bought yesterday. I dared myself to try remembering a certain topic I can say about it but I just can't. And that thought alarmed me. 

Tonight will be the last day of my sembreak, and is the last sembreak that I will ever have. I have tried considering going out but then I decided to just hang out in the house and let my last day-off away from stressful surroundings and crowded places. So. last semester huh, thinking of it makes me just as nervous as a child being away from her mother. It’s just, it is so frightening knowing that 6 months from now I will be graduating *fingers crossed* and then if ever I was fortunate enough, will pass my board exams. No more childish stuffs from now on. It’s time to get serious and focused. I have to have that TUNNEL VIEW, at the end of it is myself holding my diploma and a newspaper with my name included in a list of students who passed the board exams. I won't look left or right, just through. I won't let the temptations and pulls get me.

So this semester will have to be a good one and I promise to study even more. I know my study habits have changed since I became a college student so I have to work HARDER. I have to spend less time on facebook, twitter, tumblr and hopefully here on blogger. And spend more time with my “seemingly” new books, I know they will take me places if I just start to love them and befriend them. And then I will try my very best to not get out and often and waste time on less important stuff than school. I will not PROCRASTINATE anymore. If things are better have to be done at a given time, they’d better be. I have to have a positive outlook on my studies. I will find myself an inspiration. Whatever or whoever that inspiration might be, we will soon find out. And it better be a pushing, persuading and driving one, in a positive way :)

Six months from now, I’ll get back to this post to see if these goals were met. =)

The Waiting Game

My blog entry, dated Sep 9, '09 2:00 AM

WAITING

Falling in and out of love.

It’s easier when in the first place, You will love people. People who are better than you. People who will leave, or will not hesitate to. Though it’s not guaranteed, you’ll be able to move on, to forget someone so great to you. But there was never any surprise, especially when you do not know if the other feels the same way as you do.

Does he remember the times when I used to care?
The times when my heart sank every time I saw him?

I can remember clearly.
I was the girl there when everyone else was gone. I WAS.

Myself was all to blame when i thought that he is feeling the same way. Until a time i have realized that when you like someone, your mind will somehow make the things you see of him put towards your liking. you make something out of it thus, making yourself believe that he TOO feels the same way. And making everything feels so right, and wrong, at the same time.

But that was then. I guess he made me wait for so long. I've gone tired while in the process. And i don't like this.

I'm scared of what I am feeling.
I'm scared of falling out of love with him.

And I don't think I made any sense at all. :D 

These are the times when I was so frustrated of him, finding myself in the front of my laptop already typed these senseless paragraphs. See how I waited then? It even came to a point that I am near to losing my sanity. 

A blog entry I made for Ven last year =)

MINE. :)

I wasn’t able to update my blog because I was on vacation. Last night we went to star city with my old friends and I was surprised to find us complete, almost. Because only one was not able to join. I missed them, they were the ones I have been with since freshman days. Included was a long time friend. Well, scratch the friend. A crush. ;)

He’s been my crush for as long as I can remember and the day I found out what he felt for me was when C and I started dating. He was furious of me not telling him about us, and I was gloomy since then. Sure I was inlove with C but what I felt with Ven (okay I typed his name! I will soon die if he finds out about this! Haha!) was extraordinary, I liked him since I was in first year college and continued to like him before I met C. We were kind of together the whole time. You know what boyfriends do, he waits for me until my classes end, gives me treats and treats me everywhere! ;) when they went to Korea with his family, he came home with a bunch of pasalubong for me and I’m telling you, they’re loads! He even got us a keychain with two characters in it, one for me and one for him. And that he was my escort on my debutant party. My family already knows about him and they already approve of him even if he’s not my boyfriend yet. Also his family knows about me already and them too, approves of me as their son's girlfriend. So when my parents found out about C being my already boyfriend, they were shocked but they were still supportive of that matter.

So when C and I were already together, I told him about us and he got mad. He said hurtful things to me like how I was so numb of him and that I did not gave importance of him. But I did, and I waited for him for three years, but nothing is happening. He even told me that he didn’t know that I would want someone to call my own, a boyfriend. Fck that. Who would reason out like that? The only problem I have with him is that he does not show what he feels, he gives me stuffs that I like but not telling me what I want to hear. Yes he makes me feel special among the others but he never said what he felt of me. Leaving me confused and puzzled. But months ago, we agreed to call each other MINE. But for fun only, we do not call each other as that most of the time. But isn’t it cute? I hope he would show his feelings towards me soon. Even in gradual action. :)

I thought what I felt for him has changed, I thought it was lessened since I was with C. but being with him last night, I overlooked all the negatives I had of him, I realized that I missed him. We were always together walking side by side, riding all the roller coasters we passed. It makes me want to sing a BEATLES song, “I Want To Hold Your Hand” HAHA! My friends even tease us that we should “bring it back” :D I guess he will always be that way, maybe he really is childish beyond his manly features and marvelous height, making me so small when I was walking with him. I guess I just have to accept the fact that he is withdrawn when it comes to things like that, and that maybe, we will just have to wait to see what is ahead of us two.

I guess He will always be my torpe boy :D 

A picture taken during our sophomore days. :) Look at how nene I was! =))