To Forgiveness

It's been five months since I have been with my last boyfriend. And the breakup was awful. After having an exchange of curses and hurtful words, we haven't heard from each other since. I never thought that I will have a chance to communicate with him again. Until..

Last month, September, my midnight was interrupted with a buzz from Yahoo Messenger. I myself was lazy enough to close the media player I was watching. Alright, I'll just see whoever that person is, what his problem in the midst of 1 am and then eventually continue with my movie. But all of those were ignored upon seeing in the screen of whom the buzz from my contacts was from. Then I realized it was accompanied by a, "Can I talk to you?" message. I had a mini heart attack once I laid eyes on the name. It was from him. the one who successfully broke my heart, crashed it to pieces and then fed it to stray dogs. that moment I literally froze. I don't know what to do. I found my fingers typing across the keyboard of my laptop the words, "About what?"  the moment I send those words I had a battle with my head, a part of me shouted that "You should have never replied! you should have let him waiting for nothing, you should have disappointed him for not responding!" But a part of me wants to know what he's about to say. So as I waited for his reply, I repeatedly hoped this to be THE right decision. Once again I scolded myself for being impulsive and not thinking things through before acting on them. 

As what I have thought, he asked for my forgiveness of what happened between us. He said he may have been a dick for what he did, but he's sorry now and was so guilty of what happened.

The evil ego inside me thought: I could have my revenge. I could play a game with him. I can do exactly what he did to me -- Make him fall for me again, lead him on, Then just leave him... EFFORTLESSLY. 


But I fought those thoughts away from me. Instantly, I replied with a, "All of that was forgotten. Even the BITCH forgives. Don't worry." WHAT THE HELL? And then we chatted for a while about what I was up to, the conversation was mostly about me because he's the only one who's asking, all my replies were mostly just, "yes", "no", "haha", "really?" I felt in his every message that he throws 'signals' to reconcile with me. But, of course I ignored them. And then we bid our good nights. But I didn't sleep yet, I thought of our conversation. 

Surely my friends won't approve of my rection from his sorry, one of them would tell me that I shouldn't have forgiven him. That I should make him suffer, in equal to what he did to me. One would even scold me of being shallow, and then would tell me if ever I forgot whom I just had a conversation with, and then he would remind me how awful a person he was. But my reply would be simple: I don't want to sound bitter around him. I don't want him to think that I never got over him. That He never left his space in my heart. TRUTH BE TOLD, I was so much better. I can't picture him included in my life anymore. And I'm okay now, I'm so much better without him. Actually I am thankful that we broke up. Because of that, my outlook in life changed and I can look forward to new beginnings ahead of me.