BIZARRE.

You have been in love, been fallen out of love, and then eventually, be in love all over again. With that three experienced ALL in the same person is quite ordinary, a bizarre, freakishly boring love story.

Girl falls in love with boy, boy doesn’t (or just doesn’t show) girl thought that boy doesn’t feel the same way as her, and that she self-pities, girl moves on. After some time, girl finds out that boy is in love with her. Girl feels guilty about not feeling the same way towards him, she searched if there are feelings left, girl finds nothing. By that notion, Boy moves on, girl too. At some point in time, both will be happy not with each other but with other persons. Suddenly, something will happen that will bring boy and girl together, girl will realize how boy have been ‘good for her’. Girl realized that she is again in love with this boy. But boy doesn’t anymore. He has moved on. He does not feel a thing towards girl anymore. Girl breaks down, feels guilty about her being stupid letting him loose back then when he’s already in love with her. She realized that if only she felt the same way when boy is in love with her, they would have been happy together, loving each other.

Why is there always someone getting hurt? Why don’t two people love each other at the same time, with the same level of love towards each other? Why is it that the other will love the other one less or more than the other one does? Why can’t the two feelings meet at the middle, where both of them feel the same way with each other? Why does love always call for hard work? Is there any shortcut to love, to somehow manipulate your emotions to feel what you want to feel for a certain person? Maybe the reason why there are just certain people that God permits us to be acquainted with is to just meet them. Not meant to stay with our lives longer than what we are expecting. Whatever their real purpose may be, we still don’t know.

Dream

It’s been three nights in a row that I have been dreaming about torpe boy. I don’t know why I can’t seem to get him off my subconscious mind. Last night in my dream, I keep saying to him these lines, “binabalikan naman kita eh..” the scene was, we were inside his car and I was on the passenger side, we seemed very serious about what we’re talking about and I don’t really know what that meant. It’s been three days after waking up that gets me in disbelief knowing that “it” has happened again. I find it weird given that I can swear that before that night, surely he wasn’t what I was thinking about. Last night I was SURE that I was having problems about the quiz for tomorrow and that how I will be studying for it because I cannot comprehend my handwriting on my latest lecture notes.

The dreaming is now getting into my nerves, I am the type of the person that once I have dreamt of a “worth remembering” dream, that day, all of it will be imprinted on my mind, eventually taking over me. The scene, the talking, the person. All of it. And now I am blogging it with a ReoSpeedwagon’s Can’t fight this feeling anymore song in the background.

Maybe I am missing him. I am missing how we’ve been. How we’re inseparable and how back then, a day wouldn’t last without seeing each other. After seeing him perform in the Mr. And Ms. Nursing Talent Show, he invaded my mind. After he sang that song (which occurred to me that he was singing that song for just only me, disregarding the audience. Haha!) My feelings towards him are brought back like a memory. Maybe that’s the reason why I keep dreaming about him. Every time this happens, I don’t really know If I am supposed to be happy or not, It’s making my head hurt.

And now, I don’t really know what to do about this dream.. and to Him.