Digging Out Something From Memory

Since the news broke off about Friendster being shut down 31st of May, I checked on my account for the last time thinking I could save all my pictures I had from there since most of them had been deleted from my computer back-up. I was surprised finding myself to be smiling at most time by just merely browsing through my sets of albums there, surely I missed using Friendster. And there, it was all documented in pictures from the time I got my first camera phone to the extent of the downhill of Friendster popularity.

I could not believe I am blogging about Friendster now! Haha! But there’s no harm in doing so, right? After all, as I posted to my other site, Friendster was my first love when it comes to social network. If it weren’t because of Friendster, I would not have gotten hundreds of friends whom like, one third of it, I didn’t know. If it weren’t because of Friendster, I would not have learned the basics of html which later on helped me a lot in college because of my mastery in it.

As I scanned through my messages in my inbox there, something caught my eye. It was a message from a familiar face, a face I never get to see in such a long time. It was from Ven. Opening the message gave me goose bumps and a tiny heart attack. Okay, that was exaggerated. So, I opened it. It was sent two years ago, here it is..

He was about to transfer to another school then, this was sent right after my debutante ball, and we all knew that he was my escort. I remember receiving this, I literally, cried river. I could not fathom that he will leave me, after saying these things to me, things I’d like to hear since like, forever. But then he was not transferred. He chose to stay. But still, our happy ending never came.

I know we are not in good terms now, I tried to reconcile things but it seemed so hard if one party is the only one trying. It hurts me to see that we are separated from each other’s lives now, getting farther each day. I do not hope for us to be together anymore, all I want is to get him back – as a friend. Is that too much to ask?

I miss you, Ven. If you only knew. :(

Come Back Home.

I honestly don’t want being surrounded by lovers now. I get intimidated by them, Not because I don’t have someone whom I can call “mine”, I just don’t want to see anyone in front of me 

holding their hands, making cute faces to each other and definitely, kissing.

I have been with my boyfriend for months now. The chapters took place in a steady manner: we fought, we made up and the cycle goes on... we got even close to breaking up. But in every fight, we learned things, things that mature couple gain knowledge of.  At first I thought I was just attracted to him, to the way he makes me laugh, our long talks, the way he sings to me even when I am aready sleepy :) and the way he surprises me in every way possible. But as I get to be with him, I studied my emotions, and if ever I am just attracted (not inlove) with him, I have to get out of our relationship as soon as possible so that I would not have to hurt him more. I realized that I truly and deeply fell inlove with him from day one.  And I have not been blogging about us for months, and what I regretted is how stupid of me not to blog about the “good parts” and now here I am blaming my lazy-procrastinating-self with this situation.

I don’t know how to start, what to write and how this blog entry will go, I just can’t handle this feeling inside of me that is about to come out.. YES, I just miss him. This happens to me when I don’t get what I want, I rant about it. Maybe because I was raised this way, and I don’t want to wait. Waiting is unnerving. We haven’t been seeing each other for days now because he’s out of town and there’s nothing I can do with it but to wait for him to return. I can’t wait to see his face with a silly smile on it and I want to hear him laugh at how my face looked like after he tease me about almost everything. I miss how he asks me if it is okay if he wear slippers when we have somewhere to go to and how he looks when we already meet. I miss how he would hold my hand and hugs me even in public. I miss how he would react and pretend to laugh when I deliver a joke wrong and how I would punch him in the face after.

And so this blog entry was born :)