Six a.m.

There is something about surprises that makes me temporarily let go of reality and hold on to that piece of moment I currently have and not think about anything else.

The night before:

I was so depressed about an incident that happened to me in the hospital. I overlooked things and that made me confused about a procedure I have already done so many times. I made a miscalculation on my patient’s blood transfusion. Good thing nothing bad happed to him because of what I had done. I was so guilty that time that I can’t even function. I can’t take my mind of of what happened. I told myself that that will be the last time I will lose it. I should always put my patients first especially when dealing with critical cases.

I continuously ranted to Ian about how guilty I am of what happened. I wanted to be with him that moment, so I could have someone to hold my hand knowing I am so confused that time. He did his best to console me and he told me that everything will be alright, that I just have to pray and hope for the best. I was even joking to him that he needs to come to me and bring me some of the Carbonara his mother cooked which I love so I can feel alright.

I was on night duty. Midnight came and I was still caught up on paper works my head nurse left me with. I even managed to steal a nap after having my break in front of the computer table. I texted Ian about my duty and I told him that I can’t wait to get home to finally hear his voice on the phone. There was no reply. I was not surprised thinking it was only six in the morning, He could still be sleeping at this hour.

My phone screen lit up as I saw his name on it. I read his message; he asked if I could call him because he could no longer contain how much he misses me. I did and I instantly heard cars moving on the background. I got irritated because there was this rule we have that before anything else we do in the morning, we should text or call each other first. I was repeatedly asking him where he was and he kept on saying that I have to guess where he is. I felt my pulse escalating, asking myself, where is he??? While he was just laughing on the background. I could not take it anymore as I plead him to tell me where the hell he was. (Please tell me you are exactly where I want you to be). He read the signs he was seeing at the spot where he is and nothing seemed to ring any bell to me. I gave up and that’s when he finally said that he’s outside my hospital. HOSPITAL. THE PLACE WHERE I AM WORKING. He is currently outside, waiting for me. All the way from Batangas - which mind you is a two-hour ride from where I was. I was shocked and I could not move. I cannot absorb what is currently happening. Before I know it I screwed the elevator and used the stairs, running. I was so looking forward to seeing his face. The face I longed for more than 5 days since we last saw each other. I went past the parking lot and I saw a familiar stature with a jacket I clearly know. It was him! Oh, how my heart sank.

I could not help but to kiss him right then and there and repeatedly asked him what the hell he is doing here and that if he really is out of his mind. He said yes and he said that he has to bring me the Carbonara and cake from his mom. I was so happy I almost screamed! We walked towards the nearest place where we can also have our breakfast, not to mention how I want to dig in to that Carbonara I was craving to eat for so long. He also handed me a letter which he made the night before, telling me how I don’t have to worry and that he will stay and be there for me every time.

We talked until it was time for him to leave which is 9 am because he still has to go to work. He just went all the way from Batangas to Cavite so I can feel that he is there for me always whenever I need him. So I can know that distance is not a barrier to us. That made me realize how happy I am to have him and for him to be mine. I can’t bear the thought that we have to part again. Even though he hasn’t left yet, I was already missing him.

 This is one of the reasons why I love him. This is why I can’t think of anyone but him that it already feels so wrong. :)

Bottle Cap

We were supposed to meet at 4 pm but my watch read 5 and still he hasn't called. I was walking in and out of endless stores and boutiques just to kill time and finally, I was at my wits end. I called him a dozen times and after what seemed like an eternity, he picked up. I can hear my voice not in it's usual tone added to my stomach's rumbling sound as I speak with him on the other line. I asked him where he was and I hung up, sounding pissed as ever.

I saw him standing at the spot he told me where he was and I can feel my eyes shooting arrows toward his direction. He said he was so sorry and I just kept on walking, not matching his pace but he circled his arm around my waist just so he could keep up. I did not say a word and then he asked me where I would want to eat. That, I thought was the perfect you-DO-NOT-ask-me-where-I-would-want-to-eat-because-I-might-probably-want-to-kill-you scene. He got the picture instantly and walked me somewhere we can eat pizza. Oh, thank God.

I still was not talking to him after we took our seats and just pretended to be busy with my phone as he started writing something in our food's receipt (which by the way, we always do) I grabbed the paper away from him and read it, it said he was sorry of what happened and that there was a ROSE! I could not help but smile. He said he placed the single rose inside his bag knowing it would be alright in there, but the moment he was about to give it to me, it has already fallen apart. He regretted that he did not hold the rose instead if just leaving it inside his backpack. He compared the rose figuratively with our relationship. He added, you can't be complacent that everything is just "okay". You have to work hard every time and to not be settled with just that. There is always something that needs working on to keep the relationship going. Well, that is deep.

 Somewhere between his smile and the way he looked at me, I gave in. Not to mention my stomach was getting full as we speak. We were back to our usual selves and the Other Kim that was unleashed a while ago was back to its cage. I came to realize that I too, have overlooked some things. I did not consider that 1. He came all the way from Batangas just to see me that night. 2. He just got out from a 16-hour shift, and 3. I forgot for a moment how we missed each other and how we looked forward to this night. I got over my hanger (hunger+anger) instantly and we talked about things we missed about each other, how the day went and all.

 

Given that I already have a curfew, I needed to go home earlier than usual and honestly, It was also a relief to me that he has to go home early as well. This time I would not think of something bad happening to him along his way home.

Night came and I kept his letter, the rose that is currently in its falling-into-pieces state and a bottle cap we kept from the place we ate in with our initials in it. It also reminded us of the novel "Lola and the Boy next door" where Lola kept a bottle cap that Cricket gave her. But he reminded me that there is no need for me to undergo a ceremony and throw it into the ocean (like Lola did in the book) because according to him, his love for me will not change. Aww! :)

I have learned so much today about relationship goals and communication; unclear things should not be left unresolved for they may cause further damage when kept in. This day started so-so but ended pretty much how we both were expecting it to be, a night filled with countless laughs and unexpected hugs and stares that makes people wonder what the hell is there to see in each other’s eyes that makes us kind of addicted in doing it. Well, THAT KIND.

Everything's Right

It was an unexpected sunny Saturday from a week of heavy rain and strong winds. We planned to spend the day together in Sky Ranch, Tagaytay. My face literally lit up the moment I saw him. I wanted to hug him so tight but I managed to just flash him a smile. That would do.

He held my hand like he always does and I clutched his arm with my other hand as we walk through the whole park. The sun is setting and all of it would be a waste if we do not have pictures to document each second, of course. We chose a spot wherein not many people go to and chose to stay there, loving the sight of the mini volcano in front of us. I’d give anything to freeze that moment.

We made our way past the crowd and into the Ferris wheel ride. As we are waiting in line, he asked me to wear one of his headphones, and I was thinking like, “Do I seriously have to wear that considering the ride is only just for ten minutes?” but I did not complain. Secondly, after we were already inside, he chose to sit across me. Usually he would sit beside me so at that moment I felt something was not right. Then there he was, opening his backpack and letting out a yellow stack of paper to which I did not know for what purpose so I was like, “What’s going on?” staring at him blankly. He asked me to stay put and to just put on the freaking headphones. And so I did.

The first song that played was Matt Wertz’ Everything’s right and I can already feel my face heating up! I was laughing and smiling like an idiot but I became dead silent while he began flashing the FIRST card. And so I realized he made a somewhat slideshow presentation with words and pictures which he drew that sums up OUR crazy story. I was so taken aback that I can feel my jaw dropping while he flips each card. The story started from the first time we met (which was a month from now) until we are having to sneak just to see each other, up to my parents finding out about us and their disapproval of us, how I chose to stay for him, and the last slide was how he loves me and how all of it is true and it’s just so amazing and wonderful and I was all out of words for him and was close to tears when he finished.

The feeling that I have for him, I could not seem to explain. It was like he held my heart and I have his and we are very careful of that something we currently have and feel for each other that everything, including the sun setting outside of our car ride began  to vanish as we only had eyes just for each other. He told me once again that he love me and I hugged him so tight to let him feel that I am here, and I am not going to leave.

And because I was on the verge of video-taping him in the process but he asked me not to move a single muscle, he agreed with me to do a re-enactment afterwards instead. So here is a link of a video of him giving his presentation minus the Ferris wheel ride and the sunset and butterflies and stars floating around us and hearts flying in every direction. (ha! just kidding)

And because my stomach does not want to participate anymore, we had to go somewhere else for our dinner. What else would be more perfect than a serving of Bulalo on the side while we talk about everything and anything we thought that needs catching upon even after a whole day of being with each other.

The day has to end but it did with a smile on our faces and warmth in our hearts. I watched his video as I lay on my bed over and over again until I can't keep my eyes open anymore. There's something about him that I cannot fathom what made me this way. I know this is a little bit early for something like this to exist between two people, but I am hoping that this will be the REAL thing. 

Flipside

heart·break (n) - overwhelming distress. The absolute worst feeling in the entire world. When one is heartbroken they may actually feel such an intense pain they don't even want to live anymore. 

Going online on Facebook is merely the only way to catch up with my old friends’ lives at the moment. Me being busy and all with work and stuff, I only get to go and meet up with my closest-close friends. Surprisingly though, it caught my attention that almost (well not all of them actually) had their own fair share of failed relationships with the ones we thought were the “ones”. I can clearly remember myself with a friend saying, “Hey they look so cute together! No wonder if one day they will announce their wedding date already!” Then poof ! That 8 year relationship ended with just a snap.

You can never really tell how you are going to end up with someone, same as you cannot  tell how and when a relationship is going to last. I became a witness of my best friend’s once precious 9-year relationship with a guy (yes there is no need for his name to be stated here) and just ended before you can finish saying “cheat your heart out”. Well, did I give away the reason why their relationship ended? Oh, did I really? I’m so sorry for my drastic move there.

Love – I was once a victim of this murderer. Y’all can say that trouble, love’s long lost cousin is in fact a friend of mine. Oh what I would give just to bring back just one yesterday with all those memories. – Yep, NOTHING.

I can still remember those exact feelings of being brokenhearted and I would not spare words just to describe them. Me being single now is a choice and I am happy with it. No muss, no fuss. I know the love of my life is just out there, as what my best friend always tell me, “he’s just caught in a heavy traffic”. The day when we finally will meet, I will be ready. I will stare him straight right in both eyes and say “I knew it was you all along!”

So you know what I would tell all my friends out there? Stay. Single. Just kidding! I want them all to experience the bright side of this ‘thing’ as well. But I want them to guard their hearts. Might as well study it first. Know its depth and limitation. Know the boundary of that love that you can give out to someone without hurting yourself in doing so. Get to know that other heart as well that you plan to give out half of you into. Will he really deserve it? One way or another you will have yourself patched up after a broken heart but you have to know how to get back to the start, to the beginning where none of this had ever existed yet. And learn to fall in love – again. 

#MakeUpTransformation

This trend started when makeup artists posted pictures to present a before and after look. This became hysterical when a number of guys started posting their own version portraying the look of many famous celebrities like Beyonce and Rihanna. Look here

My friends started asking me to do my take on #MakeUpTransformation as Coleen Garcia. At first I was hesitant because 1. I already cut my hair short; 2. I was always busy after my hospital duty to have my make up done and 3. I am not really used to smiling with my teeth showing like Coleen always do. :S

Whenever I open my FB newsfeed, people are always uploading their own version of this craze and so I gathered my guts and had make up essentials ready for this project. With the use of my lazypod, I achieved it without the trouble of having to hold my iPhone every shot. :)

With a little contouring, I really really had to make my cheeks appear smaller.

Then I had to make my brows appear tame.

And... This is my ‘Coleen Garcia’ look.

Besides Facebook, I also posted this on instagram and I was surprised that many people are noticing! They even reposted this picture and tagged Coleen Garcia to it. :)

Lastly, Look who liked my picture! I got so kilig when I saw it this morning!

After watching her act on #Y, I even loved Coleen’s quirkiness when it comes to acting and especially her clothing style.

Get on the rage and upload your own #MakeUpTransformation look! :)